Silas McGee, My Debut Short Story

Finally old Silas McGee learned to tie his shoes and was ready to venture into the world outside his home. Then he dropped dead due to heart failure.

Seraphim Falls: A Steam Age McGyver

The civil war is over and one officer is on the trail of another. Carver, played by Liam Neeson, pursues Gideon (Pierce Brosnan) through the mountains of Nevada. He pursues him through the wilderness. Then he pursues him through the desert. In short, Gideon has a lot less fun in Nevada than the 80 year old retiree who hangs out at the Reno Peppermill and order the fifty cent screwdriver.

The knife with which Gideon performs surgery on himself,
removes a horses intestine and hops inside the carcass, and kills
lots and lots of men. All in a day's work for this homeless Bond.

We've all had the pleasure of Pierce Brosnan as James Bond. Here we get to see him as a cowboy McGyver. With resourcefulness that would give Robinson Crusoe an inferiority complex, Gideon hides inside a dead horse and lunges outwards to attack his pursuers. In one gut-wrenching scene after he is shot by the Carver, Gideon digs a bullet out of his arm with a bowie knife. The intelligent filmgoer surely will ask themselves ask ourselves why the sissy didn't leave it in. He also plunges over a waterfall to escape from Carver's gang. One by one Carver's gang fall to Gideon's superior hand.

Carver with a couple of his hired thugs.

In a most Westerns, the characters gun each other down willy nilly. In others the reason for an obsessive desire for revenge is revealed early in the movie. We do not know if Carver is pissed off because Gideon shuffled playing cards badly or because he did something slightly more upsetting, like murdering his every living relative.

Seraphim Falls starts off fast and tapers off slightly as the chase scene turns into a marathon. It picks up at the end with the arrival of a gypsy woman, played by Angelica Huston, and a mysterious Native American and the revealing of Carver's motivation.

Also impressive is that two Irishmen manage to act like cowboys.

GRADE: TWO BULLET HOLES

Saloon Brawl Video Game

You travel the old West visiting random bars and picking fights. Try not to get knocked out or your brawling career might come to a premature end.

Saloon Brawl Join in the saloon brawl and knock out the other cowboys!

Play this free game now!!

Emperor of the North Pole: A Tale of Two Psychos

During the height of the Great Depression, Ernest Borgnine plays Shak, the railroad police officer with a sadistic bloodlust that would make even the BART Police take a second look at his job application.

Who among us hasn't been peacefully eating a sandwich when
we are hammered on the head by a cop.

Wielding a simple hammer Shak methodically moving from railroad car to car. Attacking hoboes from behind while they're usually eating or relaxing on the train, Shak has a thorough knowledge of police procedure - down to the requisite donut wolfing as his appearance suggests.

Wait a minute you say, how is this a Western? Never mind, it takes place on a Steam locomotive on the West coast. If this doesn't mollify you, maybe Kim Kardashian's blog would be more up your alley.

Cigarette isn't sure whether to laugh or shit himself so
he chooses the latter.

When hobo prince A number 1, played by Lee Marvin, and young tramp Cigarette, played by Keith Carradine, stow away on Shak's train they quickly realize they are in danger. So they do what anyone else would do and set their boxcar on fire. A Number 1 escapes but Cigarette is smoked out from the flaming boxcar.



The stage is set for the confrontation of A Number 1 with Shak. A Number 1 takes up the challenge of riding Shak's train all the way to Portland.  Soon Shak and A Number 1 find themselves in an all out battle to the death. Unless you count the time Kurt Cobain took his final bath, the Pacific Northwest has never been the site of such intense violence. In the final battle between Shak and A Number One I wasn't sure if I was watching two psychos go at it or this was actually a Terminator prequel. No way, because Borgnine and Marvin constantly laugh maniacally so you know they are not cyborgs, but people who could use the services of Dr. Phil.

What a nice day for an axe fight.

RATING: FIVE ACES