Two Mules for Sister Sarah: What a Waste of a Couple Good Asses

Sister Sarah committing blasphemy by showing up Clint
again.

“Everybody’s got a right to be a sucker once,” says Hogan.


Yes, but Clint Eastwood isn’t just anyone. And he never has the right to be a sucker.

Clint plays Hogan, a mercenary working for the Mexican army. He comes to Sister Sarah’s aid, rescuing her from some evil cowboys. The Man With No Name, Clint’s typical Western character, occasionally saves a hapless victim while pursuing the scent of money. But in this film, Eastwood wastes far too much time putting up with Sister Sarah’s antics and too little time dispatching the bad guys.


After Hogan saves Sarah, the pair are on the run from a company of French soldiers who are tracking her. A lone French soldier is dispatched to search behind a wall where Sarah and Clint hide. As he approaches, Sister Sarah scares him away by shaking the tail of a dead rattlesnake. Clint never has sidekick in his Westerns, let alone one who saves him. And Clint never solves his problems with anything other than a blazing pistol.

As they continue on their travels an Indian arrow strikes Hogan in the shoulder. But Sarah stops him from demolishing the group of Indian braves.

“Do you think you can shoot all of them?” she asks with a sneer.

Sister Sarah is lucky her fist was not
shoved some place dark.

I do not know who this insolent woman thinks she is, but she apparently believes she can cast doubt on Clint’s abilities. I am surprised that Clint did not shoot all of the Indians and save the last bullet for Sister Sarah.

Sarah proceeds to save Clint again when she displays her cross and frightens the Indians into submission. I almost stop watching here but something compels me to obligingly continue my viewing as this multi-car accident of a film plays out before my eyes.

Clint and Sister Sarah travel to a railroad trestle. Their plan is to blow it up to stop a supply train from reaching the French troops. After placing the dynamite on the bridge, Clint must shoot it to make it explode. He takes some practice shots with his rifle and misses the mark. I wonder how many times the scene had to be filmed and how hard Clint had to concentrate to will himself miss a shot.

Sister Sarah makes a pretty good
stand for Clint's gun.

Hogan asks Sister Sarah to save him again by shooting the dynamite and blowing up the trestle. Sarah punches Clint in the face. By this point in the film, the screenwriter has so soiled Clint’s name, that I am no longer shocked by anything and am watching the film in a catatonic state. Clint eventually shoots the dynamite and blows up the trestle. But we feel that it is irrelevant whether the trestle is destroyed or not. The damage has already been done.

We watch later scenes with a heavy heart repeatedly telling ourselves this isn’t really Clint. With expert camera techniques and an uncanny lookalike actor a movie has been made with a guy who looks like Clint.

Later when Clint meets up with a Mexican Coronel the two argue and it seems blood will surely be spilled. But meddlesome Sister Sarah breaks up the fight and ruins Clint’s fun once again. Couldn’t we hear Clint engage in some verbal abuse of the Colonel? We are in sore need of this but unfortunately the Colonel gets the last word. How did that even happen?

Although Clint kills countless Frenchies in the final battle it is not enough to redeem his tarnished image and the movie itself.

Everyone’s got a right to be a sucker once. And I took advantage of that right the first and last time I will ever watch this film.